Is it too much to wonder

Back in the days, when light was bright

I also was able to cast a spell

 

But I never cast it off

How many summer days are necessary to break a girl?

 

I turn around and I see, how dirt I was

To break a heart but please forgive me

I did not knew what I wanted

Like now.

 

Hell, I'm scared to find who you became

As I know not how I was able to leave so much of me 

Within you

 

I guess that's all that's left

Live another day, after another, after another

But maybe until you die I'll stay alive

Within you 

Within you

That's my sin

How much I beg for nothingness

But I'm still living 

Within you.

 

On the verge, like any other day

I think my sense of self is too corroded

Trying to live life day after day

'Cause no meaning I can give to it.

 

On the verge, maybe today's the day

That I snap and destroy myself

By destroying you

 

I think my sense of self  is too corroded

Trying to live life without disturbing other broken humans

But I still can't get 

How you feel so entitled to leave the dirty cups in the sink

Is it that you don't care

Or what else might go through your empty goddamn head?

 

So broken, I can't even conceive

My wish is to disappear on thin air

While you just end up making my life unbearable

 

Internally, I end up fighting two demons

One wishing you a painful death

The other is flogging myself mentally until I cry

Until you matter no more

 

 

 

 

 I said I don't care

There's not much Joy to find in life

When all feels like dying over and over

It's not results I look after

Just the passage of a day to the next

Knees on the ground

Begging to whatever we call god 

Please kill me

Do not let me kill anyone

If there's something to save

Then it might be what's in my core

Unbeatable

Impossible to break

 So easy to damage.

 

 

 

 

 

Nunca ninguém me disse

Ninguém nunca parou para dizer

E eu me perdi

Até me encontrar

Me reconhecer enquanto meu corpo se vai

Minha mente se deteriora

Os primeiros momentos de caos

Tudo muda

Você

Os outros

Seus amores

Suas lembranças.

Ninguém me disse que após a terceira década

Você olha no espelho e aquela pessoa não se parece com nada

Com ninguém

Muito menos com você

Mas não há como parar

Dia após dia

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Após dia 

Então você se encara novamente de frente ao espelho

E ainda assim não reconhece o que está alí

Tudo passa, menos os seus traumas

De todos os amores, apenas as dores você levará ao caixão

De todos os amores, apenas as dores guardará contigo.